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Step 1 : Telling Someone
One of the hardest steps to take when you have an eating disorder is to admit to yourself that you have one. Once you can do that and decide you want help, you are faced with another step of having to reveal this to another person. Since most people with eating disorders feel embarrassed and ashamed, the thought of telling someone can be terrifying. We fear how they will react when we tell them. We constantly ask ourselves, "Will they believe me?", "Will they be angry with me?", Will they leave me?", "Will I be locked up somewhere?" or "Will they think that I am crazy?" Those are only a few of the many questions that will probably go through your mind when you are getting ready to tell someone.
When taking this step, be sure that you chose to tell someone whom you trust and feel comfortable talking with. Many people start by telling a close friend or their family doctor. If you can open up to your family, you may chose to tell your spouse, a parent, a sibling, an aunt, etc. first. If you have a hard time opening up to your family but want to tell them, you can always have a friend or therapist with you when you tell them.
Before we tell someone, many of us spend hours trying to predict how that person will react. It is important to remind yourself that it is impossible for you to predict how anyone will react. Many people put off telling anyone because they usually have convinced themselves that anyone they tell will get upset, yell at them or abandon them. The thought of telling someone can be so terrifying that our minds will predict the worst case scenario of how people will react and try to convince you never to tell anyone. Once again, it is impossible to predict how anyone will react. The only way you can find out is by taking the risk and revealing your eating disorders to someone.
When you first tell someone, there is usually an initial reaction. The person may be surprised, shocked, upset, worried or they may cry. Some may have already seen the signs and know that you do have an eating disorder. The person you tell may not be sure how to respond to you. They many not say anything or they may ask you a lot of questions. No matter what the reaction is, remember that this person may need a few days to process the information you just gave them. When telling someone, I feel it is important to bring information about eating disorders to give to that person. That way they can have the chance to read and educate themselves about what eating disorders are and how to be helpful to you. After a few days of them reading and thinking about what you said, they are usually better able to sit down and talk about it and they can begin to be part of your support system.
Unfortunately, we are not always faced with people who are understanding and can accept we have an eating disorder. When someone is not educate about eating disorders and has no understanding, they can sometimes be cruel and say hurtful things. It can be difficult to have that happen, but try to remind yourself that this person is just ignorant and is wrong if they treat you improperly. You can still give that person information to read and hope they learn something from it. Parents sometimes have a hard time accepting the fact that their child has an eating disorders. They many not want to accept it because they fear that it would be their fault and that they did something wrong. It can sometimes take family members a while before they can accept the eating disorder and be helpful and supportive. There are also people that will become scared and will not know what to do and they may try to avoid you. This is not your fault and you have done nothing wrong. They usually do this because they are not educated about eating disorders and do not know how to react or respond. When someone does not have an eating disorder, it is impossible for them to know what we go through and to understand. Sometimes if people do not understand, they tend to not want to accept it. If this is the case, tell the person that you do not expect them to understand, but you do want them to accept it so that they can be a support for you.
Telling someone takes a lot of courage and you should be proud of yourself each time you do it. Most people will also tell you that once they have told someone, they do feel an inner relief because they are no longer keeping the secret to themselves. Telling someone is also another step in recovery and it is a way to help break away from the shame that many people feel. It is always easier when someone reacts in a positive way and wants to help, but that is not always the case. If someone cannot accept you have an eating disorder and gets angry or just totally avoids the subject, remember that is not your fault or your responsibility. If they cannot accept it, that is something that they will have to deal with. We are only responsible for ourselves and we cannot control other people's reactions, thoughts and feelings.
There is not any one way to tell someone about your eating disorder. Sometimes just sitting down with someone and saying, "I have an eating disorder and I want to get help", is one way of getting it right out in the open. If you find it too difficult to say it verbally, you can always chose to write a letter to the person you want to tell and let them know that way. If you have decided to first tell a therapist, you can always chose to have the therapist present with you when you decide to talk to family members and friends. That way, the therapist could be there to answer questions, explain what eating disorders are, how they can be helpful to you and you may also feel more safe and comfortable having the therapist with you to support you in this step.
It is during this step that people usually find out which people are going to be part of their support system. By people's reactions and how they feel, you can decide for yourself which people you want to help and which people you do not want to help. It is always great when family members are supportive, but that does not always happen at first. It can be painful if you do not have their support, but remember that there are other people available to help you. Some people have no choice but to go outside the family to receive the help and support that they need during the recovery process. It is important that you do what is best for you and your recovery. Some people believe they can overcome this on their own, but I personally feel it is best to have as much support as you can, especially during the very difficult times. Friends, doctors and therapists can be a great support for you. If there is a support group in your town, be sure to check it out and see if it is something that you want to be involved in. Being with others that know and understand how you feel can be very helpful and provide you with wonderful support.
I know that revealing your eating disorder is very scary, but it is a step you need to take. Who you tell is your decision. Never allow anyone to try and force you to reveal this to someone you might not be ready to tell or who you do not want to know about it. Also remember that there is NO shame in having an eating disorder. The longer you are in recovery, the more you will see that you have nothing to be ashamed of and you will reach a point when it will not matter to you who knows. Instead of feeling ashamed, you will start to feel proud of yourself for not only admitting to the problem, but for seeking help and fighting this. Eating disorders can be overcome. If you want to recover, you can and will recover. Try not to rush your recovery. Recovery takes time and it can be a long road, but it is a road worth taking.
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